Searching

I must throw myself out into the world, because I cannot stand still.
To be still means I will fall apart.
And I cannot fall apart. The demands of my life will not let me.
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So, I will dizzy myself into distraction
Until I am far enough away from the memory of us that I am convinced
It was just a part of my imagination.
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Until I am able to convince myself that it was not real.
Because if it was real, my heart will break over and over again
And the world will never be enough to fill it.
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I will search for a place where I am not reminded of what I cannot have.
If such a place exists.
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If we see each other again, I will not be the same.
But I will be still.
And in one piece.